10 Day Meditation Ends on 11th Day

SC&K's very own Loser Monk has been off in the deep woods of southern Georgia on bi-annual meditation retreat. The Captain's Blog caught up with the surfing swami with a few questions about what he's been up to.

CB. What do you do on a meditation retreat?
LM. I practice a technique to help live a better life, for myself and others, to purify my mind of mental defilements, to become a fully realized human being... aka shape up my act.
CB. Sounds technical!
LM. It's very simple. There is instruction and you practice. It is a technique. No special equipment required.
CB. So, what do you do again?
LM. Firstly, you sit and observe your respiration for 4 days. Then, for 6 days, you observe sensation within the framework of your body.
CB. What about yoga, sand painting and studying sutres?
LM. Nothing doing. 5 hours meditation in the morning. 4 hours meditation in the afternoon. 2 hours meditation in the evening. Nothing else.
CB. Sounds very boring.
LM. Boredom is one of the a defilements of the mind we are trying to expel.
CB. Is it hard?
LM. It's the only thing I have ever done that kicks my arse everyday for 10 days, but every night I go to bed looking forward to the next.
CB. How long have you been doing this ?
LM. I sat my first course in '93 and have since attended a bunch in various parts of the globe.
CB. Are you close to Enlightenment?
LM. If the sun is Nirvana I am now about 3 meters closer... enough to be out of the shade, maybe.
CB. Do you get a certificate upon completion?
LM. Possibly.
CB. How does this help with your surfing ?
LM. Surfing represents the futility of the human being's existence. For every great ride, there is a major thrashing.
Maintain awareness, stay calm, be happy.

Top 10 insights from this years meditation retreat.

1/ Vibrations are everything.
2/ The more successful I become, the more materialistic I become, the more self centered I become.
3/ Meditate, sleep, be happy.
4/ Every thought manifests a physical sensation on the body.
5/ Meditation is the best Life and Health Insurance Policy.
6/ Big oak trees give off incredibly strong vibrations.
7/ Talking is an overused sensory pleasure.
8/ Life is intrinsically simple, but infinitely complex.
9/ America will soon have a president who can sit crossed legged on the floor.
10/ At the end of ten days meditation I had a hard time remembering my home phone number.